the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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