We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do vagina's smell?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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