so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
