My hand turned me down
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
