I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
