How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
