You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
