she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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