At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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