And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
