Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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