I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
