can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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