He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
