Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
