Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
