remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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