If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
