I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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