dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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