Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
