so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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