The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
