i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
