hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
