he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
