I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
