I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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