What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
