Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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