I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
