Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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