please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
