im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
