And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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