He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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