i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
