you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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