We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
