dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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