Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
