New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
