I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
