I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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