I hate your face
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
