Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
