did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
