Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
