I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
