You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
